I had a reader ask me to share ways they could be more enthusiastic in the bedroom. This is a tough thing for lower drive spouses. Since they don’t always feel excited, they can struggle to be enthusiastic about love making.
Here’s what you can do to be more enthusiastic-
1. Admit That You Enjoy Sex
It is so important that you admit that you personally enjoy sex. This is different than saying you like having sex for your spouse’s sake. Instead, you need to embrace how sex makes you feel. Let yourself get excited about the emotions and feelings you receive from the sexual experience you have together.
2. Define What Enthusiasm Looks Like
Here’s one of those words that you really must define as a couple. As Austin and I were talking about our definition of enthusiasm, it’s completely different.
This is what he considers enthusiastic-
- Initiate sexual encounters
- Talk about how to have better sex
- Make noises and share emotion
- Not just laying there
Those are pretty reasonable expectations of what it looks like to be enthusiastic.
Me, on the other hand, have much greater ideas of what enthusiasm looks like. When I think enthusiastic, I envision taking a lot of time to look sexy, making a grand entrance, and being really energetic.
If Austin says to me, I would like you to be more enthusiastic, and I base it off of my definition, then I might very well feel overwhelmed. But, since I know what his expectations are, they don’t seem unrealistic.
The same goes for him. If I were to ask him to be more enthusiastic, he would know what to shoot for.
3. Create One Goal To Shoot For
To be more confident in your sex life, you need small wins. So, set yourself up to win. Come up with one small goal to shoot for. If you spouse says that if you make noises, they’ll know you’re being enthusiastic, then make that your goal.
Decide that you are going to make an effort to make noise during your next 3 sexual encounters. See where it goes from there. You don’t have to check off everything from the list, just do one thing.
4. Have Accountability
I know that accountability in the area of sex is not easy. We don’t tend to share our personal struggles in this part of our lives. This is a place we need to get better as Christian couples. Instead of thinking we can handle everything ourselves, we should be confiding in others that are trustworth.
There’s a few ways you can develop accountability. Here’s a few ideas-
- Schedule sex ahead of time
- Write down your goals in a place you will see it (but your kids won’t find it out)
- Keep a journal with your experiences
- Set a reminder on your phone
- Tell a friend you trust
Don’t have anyone you can discuss sex with? That’s why we created the Love Hope Adventure Community. The group is filled with people that are comfortable talking about sexual intimacy as well as other sensitive marriage topics.
You can get on the list to join the community below-
5. Play Bedroom Games
Bedroom games take the guesswork out of foreplay and sexual adventure. Austin and I created our first bedroom game before we were bloggers. In fact, we made it for some of our dearest friends.
Of course, we had to try out our finished product. We were blown away at how playing that first sexy bedroom game revolutionized our sex lives. We had a really great sex life at that point, but the games took it to the next level.
The reason the games help so much, is that it takes the pressure off of you. All you have to do is follow the prompts and enjoy yourself. You can check out our games in our shop.