3 Things That Will Kill Your Libido and How to Get in the Mood

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The other day, I realized that I hadn’t really been in the mood lately. I’ll be honest, it took me by surprise a bit, since I write about sex so often. Regardless, I had disconnected from those desires for a few weeks.

I started thinking about the things that can kill your libido and what to do about it when you get to the point. Here are a few things that can cause you to have less of a desire.

1. Sick or Tired


Your physical state is going to have a lot to do with your desires for sex. If you have been exhausted lately or sick, you will have a harder time being ready.

When I was having less desire, I had been sick with a cold for more than a week and a half. My physical state was completely off, and I was starting to feel it. I was beyond exhausted many days in a row.

2. Stressed Out or Too Busy

The day to day routines that you keep will affect your relationship. When you are too busy and stressed out, your mind will have a harder time focusing on relaxing activities.

I find that when I’m stressed or the days are too full, I go to bed with my mind racing a 100 miles an hour. My ability to switch gears into an intimate time is very difficult. Coupling a busy schedule with a physically exhausted body and there’s little hope for getting in the mood.

3. Not Having Sex Regularly Enough


When you have sex on a regular basis, you will crave it more. The more your orgasm, the more your body needs the orgasm. If you and your spouse are not having sex every few days, your body may not have as much of a need for it.

How to Get In The Mood

Once you figure out what’s killing your mood, you need to make changes in your life. If you are tired, get more sleep. If you are stressed out or too busy, take something off of your plate. If you are not having sex regularly enough, schedule it more often.

There are a few other things I suggest that can help you get in the mood when you are struggling.

Make a Commitment Earlier In The Day

Go ahead and decide earlier in the day that you will have sex that night. Let your spouse know that you want to be with them later on. This will give you both a goal to reach and your night can be planned accordingly.

Flirt Ahead of Time

Get really flirty with your spouse before you head into the bedroom. It can start as early in the day as you like. Either way, before you get into your room, get playful with your lover. Wink at them, pinch their butt, whisper something sexy in their ear- whatever you do to flirt.

Put on Sensual Music

When you get in your bedroom, put on sensual music that you both can enjoy. I personally like instrumental jazz music that has a heavy sax line. Whatever types of music gets you in the mood, go ahead and start playing it.

Spray a Sexy Fragrance

I’ve talked before about establishing a sex fragrance. This is a scent that you will spray or put on every time you have sex. Over time, you will learn to associate that fragrance with sex. When you smell it, it’ll help you get in the mood.

Get Dressed in Something You Feel Good In

Whether it is lingerie or something more comfortable, put on an outfit that you feel good in. Wearing certain clothes will tell your mind that you are about to have sex. It can help you get there.

Talk About Sex With Your Spouse

Thinking and talking about sex will get your mind where you need to be. You can have a conversation with your lover while getting ready about the things you want to do with one another. Describe in detail the things you want to do with each other.

Stand In Front of The Mirror Naked

I know this might be a stretch for some, but looking at yourself and your spouse naked can help you feel aroused. Getting yourself into sexual positions that you can see can help you feel excited.

Play a Sexy Bedroom Game

Truth Or Dare Bedroom Games For Couples

A sexy bedroom game will get you and your spouse engaged in some great foreplay. Sexy Truth or Dare or It’s Getting Hot in Here are two of my favorite bedroom games. Both of these have sexy suggestions already done for you so you don’t have to think about what to do next.

Have Sex

If you didn’t know, women are often not in the mood before they start having sex. They tend to get there after they get started on foreplay and love making. If you aren’t in the mood, go ahead and initiate. This is sure to get you excited.

These are a few ways that you can get in the mood even if you are tired, stressed, or busy.

2 Comments on 3 Things That Will Kill Your Libido and How to Get in the Mood

  1. I’m a little confused about your comments about being sick or tired. If you are sick or tired it can be perfectly natural not to desire sex until you are properly rested and feel better. If I am very fatigued or not feeling well, there are times I have not said no to sex, but at a certain point it is not really enjoyable.
    I don’t necessarily put myself in the “chronic illness” category, but sleep is very important for my well being. I’m a nurse and I think our society is very dismissive of sleep and expects people to push through challenges even when they are tired.
    I’m not sure if you have ever heard of the “spoon theory” of chronic illness, but it basically says a person with chronic illness has a finite number of energy containing spoons to get through the day, then it is time for rest. I don’t think you necessary have to have chronic illness to see how the need for rest somehow takes priority and there is no magic bullet(like more coffee) that takes that need away.
    Maybe I am confused by the wording of your post, but I think sometimes the solution for someone who is tired is not to push through it but perhaps schedule sex at other times, and also to talk to your partner about how to navigate around these issues.

    • Ah- I can see what you are saying here. I was just sharing that being sick and tired are certainly reasons that would cause your libido to go down. I think that if you are dealing with chronic sickness and being tired, that is something different and I don’t personally know how to guide someone through that situation.

      What my main hopes where to share that when you disrupt your sex life for a period of time for whatever the reason, it can lessen your desires. Even after you get through the sickness or feeling tired after a long couple weeks, that you may need extra help on getting in the mood. It would appear I didn’t do a very good job of making that point! Thanks for asking so that I can make it more clear. 🙂

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